Proud of our Doghter

What you see here is a graduate. We had our doubts. But the Sasha dog pulled it off - without cookies to persuade her! (as was the requirement)

Our practice child has recieved the honor of the title - Canine Good Citizen. This, I believe, is the equivelant of a bachelor's degree for a dog.
We can now begin Therapy Dog training if we wish (I'd say that's kind of like Graduate or PHD studies ;)). We are thinking we might take a sememster off before that though ;)

I just wanted to share the good news.

My spot

I'm a voyeur. I can admit it. I'm the girl who when riding in the passenger seat at night I'm squinting to see in the open, lighted windows. I like to see how other people live and how they decorate. I'm fascinated by it. I think that is why I enjoyed farmwife's and art's glimpses into their windows. Their "stuff" gave little glimpses into their lives. The articles showed tiny hints at their personalities. You could build a character just from the information you glean from the contents in someone's window. I don't keep much in my windows. Mostly because I open and shut them so often, or we have stuff sitting in front of them. But I thought I share my spot at another window. Or Windows ;) This window is where I catch glimpses and read about adventures beyond my home and my little town and what seems like my own little world. This is where I work and play. I certainly don't spend all day here - probably no more than an hour at a time in this spot when I'm home. But really in the house this is what could be referred to as "my spot" it is the only area that is soley mine. DH has his own desk and computer. This is mine. I find solace outside on my swing but this is my spot in the house.

So for the voyeur in you - (if there are any others out there) - I will follow in the footsteps of Farmwife and Art and give you the rundown of what you see. Starting on the far left mostly cut out of the picture is a pencil holder my sister and Zoom made for me as part of a wedding gift. It is made from little cereal boxes glued together and covered with contact paper. It is incredibly handy. Then there is the keyboard and monitor, notice blogspot on the screen. On top of the monitor is a menagerie of stuffed critters. A donkey and turkey that my mother-in-law gave me because she thought they looked like some characters in a comic I played around with for a while called Overherd. A Chic-fil-A cow reminding me to "Lose that Burger Belly", a Green Bay packers snowman that a friend from Wisconsin sent me, and the bunnies from "Guess How Much I Love You" - a book that is very special between my dad and me.

On the top shelf is a scanner with on of the pictures for "If You Give a Mom A Mop" still sitting on it. Figurine bears from Gatlinburg, A dragon my sister gave me years and years ago, and a tiny sheep - a gift from my preschool class. That is "Adam" standing holding a chain. He's my artist's model. He rarely moves from that spot, but I do need him to pose occasionally. The "S" was painted by DH in the painting class we had together long before we ever dated. The paintings behind it were done by a dear friend and excellent artist. There's the phone and my magnet time passers.
The next shelf is completely utilitarian complete with disks, office supplies and tons of business cards and sticker-paper.

The base shelf has two things of glue- one for paper and one for crafts,folded pieces of paper with lists of names of who have been contacted and who hasn't for the reunion I'm working on. There is a note with a phone # that I have no idea who it belongs to. A big blue clothespin holding a clipping of the desk I would like to have from OfficeMax, instructions for ordering stamps online, and a note reading "You rock!" from a guy in the newsroom for some illustrations I did for him. It always helps to have encouraging words in front of you. Behind the clothespin is a battery charger for my camera and our wedding picture in an engraved frame a friend gave us. Beside it is a photo that still needs to be returned to its album, there are various papers, erasers, rulers, and a book of Art Nouveau clip art not to mention a book on rearing children that my Mother-in-law gave me, and a 8 year old phone book from my home town. You will see a bottle on Men's multivitamins on my desk and there is a story behind that but I will save it for another time. Then there is my cell phone, some scissors and below that my list of goals for the year and a bulb catalog that I got addicted to thanks to Farmwife.

The little cubby below holds my stationary, which since Farmwife came online, rarely gets used. But I have thank you notes and various note cards and birthday cards on hand for whenever the need arises.

I hope you enjoy a glimpse into my little world. I wonder what it says about me? That will be my pondery for the evening.

Another day to be thankful for.

Remember my post talking about March coming in like a lion? The one where I mentioned a wreck opening my eyes to things. Well March finally roared on the first day of spring, bringing nasty rain and snow and rain again to the region, and also bringing the crazy drivers for the Bristol race. Traffic was heavy on the interstate yesterday driving home. So many people heading to the speedway I suppose, but for once I-26 was not my problem. I was going to stop to get dogfood on my way home. We live just around a mile and a half from a co-op type store. It is on my way home. However you have to turn left across the on-coming lane to get into their parking lot. Well I'm sitting there with my blinker (or turn-signal as some may call it) waiting for the on-coming traffic to pass to make my turn. While sitting there, as is my habit since the last wreck, I was glancing in my rear-view mirror. I see a white car barreling toward me. "Slow down person." I think, "slow down!" I think again as they are still approaching with no brake lights coming one "They aren't slowing down! Move!" my mind says to myself and I take my foot off the brake and start to go to get out of the way, but it was too late. She slammed into me going at least 35 MPH perhaps 40.
Thankfully no one was hurt. Her car was totalled and I think I would have had whip-lash if I hadn't taken my foot of the brake and started moving... but as it was my car was at least driveable and she merely had a scratch on her nose from where the airbag hit her. She's an elderly woman who looked a lot like Tammy Fay Baker. From hense forth I shall refer to her as Tammy Fay. I'm not sure what she had been doing - but there is just no way she could have been looking at the road ahead of her. It shook me up pretty good again. Last night I felt very thankful to be fine, for her to be fine and for my car to be at least driveable. Not interstate drive-able, because the bumper was dangling off... but driveable. I tried very hard to show God's love to the woman and be forgiving and just let it go.

I'm not feeling quite so loving today as I find out she has no insurance and her blow to my car caused structural damage, so we will have to pay our deductible plus half the amount on a rental car for who knows how long til it's fixed. Not to mention our insurance rates will probably go up due to it coming out of our uninsured motorist coverage. Bye-bye bathroom remodel.

Everyone makes mistakes - I tell myself. She was just a sweet, old, irresponsible lady - I say. Love her and forgive her, as you are called to do - the money situation will take care of itself. No one ever said life was going to be fair. I cannot let material things rule me. The bathroom will wait. I will take this as a lesson in what is important in life. I have my health, and I have my family and I have my dog. Three things that I might not have if the circumstances of the wreck were any different.

But here's hoping for a much better week the rest of this week.

What's in a name?

Recently I was pondering all the neat names people give the people in their lives on their blogs. Which led me to ponder what names I would give the people in my life should I mention them and what names they have given me over the years and what names mean in general.

My mother use to tell me that "A child who is loved, has many names." I think that's true. I had a lot of names as child not just the two my mother gave me at birth, but also several pet names or nicknames all given in love from various people. Some were variations of my name - Suzy, Zann, Zannzibar, Susannah-Hosannah-Rosanna - nicknamed-Bob (I owe that last one to my best friend and her penchant for SNL). Others were descriptive of me and my attributes: Goofy-girl, Fuzzhead, Shortstuff, Denmother. A few were for things I had done - like I was called Belle for a short period of time by a dear friend after I lost the prop bell I was suppose to ring during a performance of a play and instead had to yell out "Ding Dong! Ding Dong!" And then there are the ones that seem to have no explaination at all, like "Lucy May" or "Bean", "bird" "noodge" and "twit". The ones without explanation usually came from my mom. She said she started calling me "Lucy" because of a song she use to sing to me when I was little - "Get your shoes on Lucy, don't you know your in the city" she has not idea where the "May" came from. "Noodge" and "twit" were names she'd use for my sister and I when we were pestering or teasing her.

My real name when all put together into a sentence means: "Bitter (or sorrowful) Lilly, that Dwells on a Cliff, overlooking an island, (or the people of an island)" That is including my two last names. When I got married I took my maiden name as my middle name, because my sister and myself are the last twigs on our branch of the family tree. She did the same thing. "Dwells on a cliff" is what my maiden last name means. My married name, when I looked it up means "the people" or "the people of the island" in a native tongue. Therefore DH's name full name means "Lively bird, promised of God to the people of the island (or of the island)" I think that's pretty funny. I like name meanings. I know FarmWife deeply considered the meanings of her children's names before naming them. I always thought that was very thoughtful. I've always thought there was something to names. I mean many people in the Bible are named specifically for their name's meaning. Even Jesus! I think DH and I will have very long discussions on names some day. We've already discovered we disagree on them. He likes things that end in a "y" or "eee" sound- like "Stacy" or "Brittany". I like things that end in an "uh" sound -like Anna or Alaina. And with boys names we disagree as well. He likes the more modern and unusual names while I like traditional names. It will be interesting to see what we end up with one day. But whatever we choose you can bet the meaning will be part of it.

So since name meanings mean so much to me, I feel like I should take great care in giving my friends and family who might be mentioned in this blog good pseudo names. Of course some have taken care of this for me since they have blogs themselves, but there are a great many who will probably eventually be mentioned who still need names. This is what I've come up with so far:

DH - this would be my "dear husband" , it wasn't very creative or well thought out, but I've gotten use to using that term in the journaling/chatting world and I'm afraid I won't remember to call him anything else other than his real name. And since he will be the most frequently spoken of because we spend so much time together - I think I'm just going to keep calling him DH. If it was up to him I'd call him "Indy" on here, but that just takes too much time to type :P

Sasha - Sasha is my dog. She will keep her actual name because she is a dog and will not likely have to worry about any form of identity theft

Mama and Daddy - they will keep these great pet names because they are universally known as endearing terms for one's parents.

Lady Bug - This will be my term for my youngest neice. It comes from my pet name for her which ends in "bug" but does not involve the word "lady". She is 4, she's very girly - a lady bug seems appropriate.

Tangerine- will be my term for my only sister. It is an adaption of her name, that I have often used over the years. She is 6 years older than me. She's as crazy as me, and helped turn my original given name into Zann. A fruity name seemed appropriate ;).

Zoom - Will be the term for my older neice. She is 8 going on 9. She's very smart, very active and very much in love with animals. I will not at all be suprised if she becomes a zoologist or naturalist someday. When she was little she would rename herself. One of those names she refered to herself as was "Zoom". It seems to fit especially since it has the "zoo" in front of it.

Bro- will be the name I give my sister's husband. They've been married since I was 14. And had dated six years before tying the knott. He's the only brother I've ever had. And he's great at it. So I deam him Bro

Clarence- This will be what I call my best friend back home. We've known each other since we were 14. We are as close as sisters. The name Clarence is bestowed upon her because she once called me in her sleep and asked to speak to "Clarence". It has been a note of laughter to us for many years.

Wildchild and Chuck will be my names for Clarenc's kids. Wildchild is my goddaughter and she will be 10 years old in 44 days from this writing. She's more like her mama than she'd like to know and a very spunky, talented kid. I think she prides herself on being wild. She's very much the tomboy. Chuck is the new edition and my godson. He's 10 months old. I'll call him Chuck because he looks like Charlie Brown :)

Pedro - will be what I call Clarence's husband. He loves Nipoleon Dyanamite, so the vote for Pedro thing always comes to ming for him. But more than likely you will always see him refered to as "Clarence's husband".

That's all I can think of at the moment. There may be more later, but for now I am drained of names.

Mama and Daddy are visiting but Mama has come down with some type of bug on the way up here. So they are spending the night in their hotel rather than getting to visit with us. I believe I will go mope and finish the book Bro let me borrow. *sigh*

You Are Likely a Second Born

At your darkest moments, you feel inadequate. At work and school. you do best when you're evaluating. When you love someone, you offer them constructive criticism. In friendship, you tend to give a lot of feedback - positive and negative. Your ideal careers are: accounting, banking, art, carpentry, decorating, teaching, and writing novels. You will leave your mark on the world with art and creative projects.

The Birth Order Predictor

That was pretty dead on. I was suprised. I am the second born (also the last born but I don't know if that was an option). I may have to send that to my sister to see what she gets.

All the World's A Stage - Particularly in my Head.

I draw pictures. Not pretty pictures - but cartoony pictures. And I'm okay with that. In fact I've managed to make a decent (all-be-it not lucrative) career out of it. I have a good friend who told me once that I must "think in cartoon" because of the visual ideas that I comment on and the sometimes over-the-top ideas for what critters and insects might be thinking. But really that isn't true. I don't think in cartoon. I don't think in muppet either as some have suggested. The reality is - I think in movie.

I play out scenes and storylines all the time in my head. If I read a book I see the whole thing play out like a movie in my head. Sometimes I cast people who are actual actors in the roles other times I generate someone. I create stories and moving pictures in my mind to go with songs - like music videos of my own making. I replay memories in my mind like home movies. Sometimes I even envision myself - like watching the scene from far away. If I don't like the way something ends (like a book, tv show or movie) I will daydream until I watch the ending I want in my mind. Even plays turn into movies to me. DH and I went to see "A Greater Tuna" yesterday at the Barter in Abingdon. And even while watching the show that is played out on a minimal set - I saw a whole soundstage worth of visuals in my mind. And I bet you money that will be the way I remember it. My pondary (kind of like a quandary but not) is what would I think like if movies hadn't been invented? Do I even really think in movies at all? Or do I just watch my own little distorted version of life - since art immitates life. Did the great visionaries and artists of our time watch things play out like stories before them? They must have wouldn't they? How else could they have envisioned such great things? I cannot possibly be alone in thinking this way. Perhaps that is just the definition of imagination?

But it still brings me to ponder movies and plays. I love them both. I have never known a time without movies. They've played a large role in my life. The first movie I ever saw in the theater was "Fox and the Hound" at the old Polk Theater in Columbia, TN. The Polk Theater that is now a mattress outlet. My parents said I cried from the time the mother fox died until the very end of the movie. I still cry from about the same point till the end. Almost all my first dates were to movies. DH and I even saw a movie on our honeymoon - the third Star Wars installation came out the week we got married and we absolutely couldn't miss that ;). "Saving Private Ryan" helped me to realize and appreciate what my grandaddy L. witnessed in the Pacific during WWII and gave me the opportunity to tell him how much I appreciated him for it before he died two years later. Nightmares caused by "Child's Play" previews were the catalyst for my Dad to teach me and for me to find comfort in the 23 Psalm for the first time. It is amazing what impact movies have on us. But is it the movies or just the stories? I think there is something about seeing someone else's vision of a story play out before you that makes it sort of more "real". You aren't creating the details for yourself - they are created for you.

Live theater has also played a large role but I can actually remember the day I discovered it existed. It was a day in kindergarten when we got to take a field trip to TPAC to see none other than "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe" that made a big impression on me. And as a matter of fact I think I actually had one first date to the theater too. We weren't old enough to really date but my "boyfriend" at the time (we were in 7th & 8th grade at the time) held my hand through the first local play that I saw at the Maury Co. Arts Guild called "See How They Run". Not long after that I got involved in that same community theater in a teen group and met some of my oldest and dearest friends there. Farm Wife, Did, and Art were all part of that group. I was incredibly shy when I first started, but slowly I became more outgoing. It was the first place I ever felt I belonged and felt accepted for just being me. I have so many wonderful memories from there. I could recount countless moments of happiness and drama and learning from that time in my life. I think that's why I wanted to work on the idea of a TAG reunion when FW suggested it in a snail mail letter last year. I loved those people (well most of them, and some a little more than others), I owe them so much. I miss them when the memories come. I think it would be a great blessing to see them once more.

Where was I going with this post? Oh yeah! The thinking in movie/reality thing. You see what frustrates me is that I don't think in cartoon. Artwork would be so much easier for me if I did. The thing is I am honestly trying to draw what I see in my mind that looks like reality but cartoon is how it comes out. I love drawing. I love putting my thoughts on paper in a visual form that doesn't involve words. But I would much prefer to draw photo realistically. But alas I am not talented in that way. But I've grown to love my little cartoony creations. Art school helped me embrace that. I would try so hard to "draw from life" during my freshman classes only to be disappointed by what would come from my hands. Critiques would bring about comments of one of three things. "It looks a bit cartoony", "It's almost like a landscape (that usually happened with human figures, strangely)" or "That's rather phalic". Nothing I did was ever intended to be phalic. But strangely I still felt accepted. Just like in theater. They didn't say the art was bad. Just that it was different. When I got into an illustration class my professor helped me embrace my lack of reality skills and tie them to another love - books. Specifically,children's books. Some day maybe I'll get to be published in one, but until then I will grasp at the bones my current job throws at me and the projects friends give me. Theater was once my outlet to live out the visions in my head and be accepted for doing so. But I don't have time to rehearse anymore and I question whether I'd ever be able to get back into it, I've been out of the loop so long. But my pen and paper have taken over now. I just wish I had the heart to throw them away when they've served their purpose. That was the good thing about theater. It never cluttered your office.

I can't help it - I love these things.

I'll share a secret with you. I love these things. I believe the techy term for them is MEMEs. We use to kind of do something similar around the breakfast table growing up. My mom would pick a question and we'd all take turns and answer. Like "What's your favorite Christmas memory?" or "If you had a million dollars what would you do?" I'm guessing that is where my affection for it comes from. Even to this day when we are all together we will often go around the dinner table and share "Best and worst" of the day. I love reading/hearing everyone's answers and answering myself. The details and differences and similarities and interests in people's lives fascinate me. So here you are:

4 jobs I’ve had
1. library assistant at the public library (shelved, carded, typed overdue notices, assisted customers, kept the children's sections straight) my first and probably favorite job I ever had.
2. Printer's assistant - worked doing basic paste-up and assembly work. Got to learn to use a collater, binder, cutter, waxer and best of all shrink wrapper - shrink wrap is totally cool. I could shrink wrap all day :P
3. Graphic Designer, I see my logos on business cards and signs, have a collection of ads and even an ADDY award. Love the work but hate the politics and multiple revisions.
4. Freelance illustrator - it won't pay the bills full time, but it brings me joy and is the best thing since library assistant :)


4 goals I’ve set for the year
1. Get the driveway paved
2. Plan and execute the TAG reunion
3. Visit at least one place I've never been
4. Pay at least a hundred dollars mor a month on my student loans to get them out of the way.

4 movies I could watch over and over again
I'm not much into watching movies over and over. But these are the ones I don't mind seeing again after a year or so - it could be a much longer list.
1. The Princess Bride
2. Equillibrium
3. O Brother Where Art Thou
4. Shawshank Redemption

4 places I’ve lived
I haven't lived in many different cities so I will describe the houses much the way Did and Farmwife did. I am such a follower :P These are the homes of my adulthood
1. tiny dormroom with cow print all over (someone before good roommate and I, really liked cows)
2.Crappy on-campus apartment shared with sorority girl, 3 years my jr. I didn't get to pick my roommate. I call it the apartment of spiders. I think they were attracted to all the beer that our upstairs neighbors poured off their balcony.
3. My 1 rm apartment across from the RR tracks. I loved that little place
4. Our first apartment with the drug dealers nearby and pot smokers next door. You could get a contact high from walking in our downstairs half/bath that's vent connected to theirs.

4 T.V. Shows I love to watch
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Medium
3. Myth Busters on Discovery
4. Firefly reruns on Sci-fi

4 favorite vacation spots
1.Charleston, SC
2.Gatlinburg, TN (cheesy-yes, but good memories there)
3. Atlanta, GA
4. Somewhere I've never been before

4 Web sites I visit
1. www.livejournal.com - I have many a friend on there and since it is blockable I can share more intimate details there.
2. www.comics.com - because I love my drawn humor
3. www.rocketage.com - a friend's website where we often plan gatherings among RL (real life)friends from college.
4. yahoo mail and hotmail - without email I would feel cut off from the rest of the world.

4 Favorite foods
1. Girl Scout cookies - Samoas or Carmel Delights (depending on where you are from they are called one of those names)
2. Fried rice
3. chicken fingers dipped in mashed potatoes
4. a Corndog

4 Places I'd rather be right now
1. back home hanging out with my family
2. on vacation
3. somewhere that didn't need to be vacuumed or have groceries bought.
4. on a porch swing with a book, somewhere warm and sunny with pretty scenery.

I Tag you if you have not been tagged already.

Continuing Education Canine Style

This is the Sasha dog. I have not written about my "practice child", as my sister calls her, and since much of the events of my day and the next 5 weeks include her I thought I would take this time to introduce her.

We got Sasha from the animal shelter about 2 1/2 years ago. She was 6 mos. old at the time. She had me at hello. DH and I had both been wanting a dog, even before we lived in a place that would allow one. We had both grown up as dog people. So when we bought our house in June of that year we lasted just until November 1st before taking on our next big project - The Sasha dog. We had looked for 3 weeks prior before falling in love with her. We both kind of wanted a German Shepherd. Jay had grown up with one - "Shiloh" was his name. I had wanted one since I was a kid and one of my best friends had two of them in the house named "Magnum" and "Honzi". So we were on the look out for a German Shepherd but we were determined we were going to adopt one, and were willing to wait.

One Saturday, we decided to peruse the animal shelter to "just look" we had no intentions of bringing home a dog that day. There were preparations to be made, things to discuss. But when we walked through the kennels there were lots of noisy, aggressive dogs, and lots of puppies that people were ooing and ahhing over. We walked past a cage where a dog named "Foxy" was just minding her own business, pushing a tennis ball around her cage. The animal shelter will allow you to go in the pens at your own risk and to use one of their leashes to take the dog outside and "test" your compatibility. DH wandered on down the kennels looking for German Shepherd. This one had Shepherd tendencies but there was something different about her. I went in her pen to play ball and it was all over for me. I was in love. I got lots of "kisses". DH found me again and came in the cage too. When he sat down she curled up in his lap. There was another lady looking through the cage saying how she had huskies at home and thought she might come back for "Foxy" tomorrow if she was still there.. I don't remember which one of us spoke but we were both in agreement. She couldn't - we were taking "Foxy" home that day. I scrounged through my purse and DH scrounged through his wallet and we came up with just barely the 30 dollars it took to bring her home. A good 3 of those dollars were in change.

We left straight from the Animal Shelter and went to Petsmart. It was our first time as well as hers. What a wonderland for pets. She didn't want to leave. We got her a crate, a collar and leash, bowls and a couple of toys. We decided that "Foxy" was not a fitting name for a beautiful Husky/German Shepherd mix. When we got home one of us cuddled with our adopted "child" and the other looked online at baby-names. We were looking for something exotic sounding. We found Sasha - it sounded Russian, like DH's heritage and cold and snowy like the favored land of huskies. Plus it had the meaning that cinched it "Protector of Man"

I never thought I would fall for a dog so much. I had always had outdoor dogs before. Ripley (lab/chow mix) and Fella (hound/st.bernard mix) had both been wonderful pets, but they had a domain and we had a domain. DH's Shiloh had been an indoor dog and that's what he wanted ours to be. I agreed to it, and I'm so glad I did (despite the hair). There is nothing like having a protector who hears the door before you do. Nothing like having a big furball rest her head on your lap while you watch tv.

We've been to school. Basic and intermediate training. She's very smart. But yet she has a problem with jumping. She really just wants to lick everyone she meets in the face. And if you don't bring it down to her, she's going to come up and get it. So we are now in finishing school for dogs. Wednesday was our first Canine Good Citizen class. We have a lot to learn. It is only 5 weeks long, with a big test on the last day. We have lots to practice and learn. She may be really smart, but she is also very stubborn. So my next few blogs may concern dogs and our canine college days together.
I hope you will hang in there with both me and the Sasha dog.

Everyone else is doing it

You Are Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

You take the title "mad scientist" to the extreme -with very scary things coming out of your lab. And you've invented some pretty cool things, from a banana sharpener to a robot politician. But while you're busy turning gold into cottage cheese, you need to watch out for poor little Beaker! "Oh, that's very naughty, Beaker! Now you eat these paper clips this minute."

The Muppet Personality Test

In like a lion

I've always heard that old phrase that March comes in like a Lion and out like a lamb. And though I don't necessarily agree with that weather wise, I certainly agree when it comes to my life.

March always seems to start off in some dramatic way for me. Somehow it seems the first part of March always brings some event that opens my eyes to life and all that I treasure in it. Day after tomorrow will mark 5 years since the day I got engaged. Today marks two years since my life changing (or least driving changing) run in with a cement truck. We decided to start looking for our first house around early March of 2003. And today I think we finally figured out when we'd like to start a family.

Let me start off saying- I have plans. I don't like when my plans are messed with because I'm a bit of a control freak. Better than I once, but I still like to feel in control. This week I have not been in control. I'll leave out details but due to a pill complication I was convinced this morning that I was pregnant. I took a test it was negative. But I was still convinced because once my hormones are in full crazy mode there ain't no turning back. Things still weren't "right". So I called the doc and he assured me everything was fine - it was normal with the pill I'm on and so forth. Long story short - it helped me get down to the nitty gritty of why right now I don't want them. And that being figured out I think we came to the conclusion DH and I - that yes, we want children. But not this year. We'll go off pill next year perhaps and see what happens. If it happens by accident before then we'll be fine - a little disappointed perhaps, but in the long run we'd be happy. As confusing as this may be to those reading this blog this was a major step for me and DH.

In honor of this wonderful man in my life, lets take a moment to step back in time. I don't get a chance to tell this story enough and with the weddings in the air and it being near the day he proposed I just feel like it. And that's the great thing about a blog. If I feel like it -I can write it. It was quite a bit cooler this time of year in 2001. I lived in a little apartment across from some railroad tracks. DH lived in Bristol a good 45 minutes away. I had just graduated in Dec. and just started my job at the paper. We had been dating since 1999. I had been disappointed on Valentine's day because I thought I was getting a ring. I already knew he had asked for my hand from my parents (we're old fashioned ;).) We always went out on weekends. I had been bugging him since before V-day to take me back to Jonesborough - because that is where we both first realized we liked each other. He isn't much of a romantic I wondered if he even knew why I wanted to go. Well the first weekend in March he tells me he found a Army Surplus store down there that he'd like to check out (he was big into paintball in the woods back then- so it was all about the camo - now he's more into the professional leagues) so he said if I wanted we could go there and maybe grab a bite to eat in Jonesborough. Real romantic - but I was cool with it because I love that town. For those that don't know, Jonesborough is the oldest town in the state. It is rich in history and absolutely artsy, quiant and gorgeous. And also home to the storytelling center - right up my ally. So we went. I thought nothing of it, just paintball store and dinner. The paintball store was cool. I waited while he tried on pants. Then we went to dinner. He was all fidgety not at all his cool as a cucumber self. I started to get my hopes up. After dinner we started to walk back to the car and he suggested taking a walk. That never happens. My hopes got a little higher. He stopped in front of the portajohns. And I knew - this was it. We had first started really talking to one another while waiting for another friend outside those portajohns. I didn't really want to be proposed to there so I guided him over to the gazebo nearby. Nothing happened. We watched ducks. I thought I must have been wrong, felt a bit of disappointment and told him we should be heading back to the car. I turned to leave. And heard him say behind me "But Zann," and I turned and he was down on one knee, "will you marry me?" Ah what a blissful moment. I cried , we kissed and 1 year and two months later we married in that very spot. Ahhh now that was a roaring moment.

The first years of marriage though filled with many joys, were rough. No money, no time - lots of stress and old baggage to sort through. His was tangible belongings that his parents sent home with us week after week - he's quite the pack rat. My baggage was more of the mental sort. It took longer to sift through. But on March 1st 2004 I lost a lot of that baggage on I-26. Jay had gone to paintball with several of his friends. I was heading to Walmart to pick up peanutbutter and a few other things. We had not been getting along that morning. I was missing an old life (that was my baggage)-I didn't feel loved in this one. In a blink of an eye the person in front of me slams on their brakes. Not good on the interstate going 70 mph, I slammed on my breaks to avoid hitting them full speed. My brakes locked. I could feel the car fish tale and remember thinking "I hope no one is in the other lane" no such luck, I felt the impact and then in a blur I heard a crash and was hit in the face with an airbag. I remember taking a mental check of my body. All appendages wiggled, I was fine. My next thought - oh no, the car. It was totaled. Really totaled. I didn't realize how much. By this time there are people running up to my car. One guy I knew from a class in college. I told them I was fine and by the ghostly looks on their faces I knew they hadn't expected that. I asked if the person who hit me was injured. They said no, he was climbing out of his truck now and pointed. It was only then that I saw that what had hit me was a cement truck. It had run over the back of my car and ended up flipping on it's side in the median. I asked to call Jay. I told them I'd rather wait till he got there and have him drive me to the hospital - I knew you should always be checked out after an accident even if you don't feel hurt, but I didn't want the extra expense of the ambulance. They insisted I go with them. I told Jay what was going on. They braced my neck and for the next half hour I laid on a gurney alone in a room staring up at the ceiling (they wouldn't let me turn my neck) and could not wait to see that man I had been so irritated with that morning. He came. He stayed - stood actually, by my side for the next 3 hours until I was released with just a bit of whiplash and a cut on my nose. All his friends came with him and waited in the waiting room. I felt incredibly loved. He never once asked about the car. And I realized my baggage was of my own making. What I had now was far more special than what I had before. I still have moments where I miss the romance and passion of a youthful love, but I know now how much better a steady and constant love is. He may not be much of a romantic but he certainly knows how to make a girl feel loved. Roar ;)

In light of our new appreciations and new understandings, who knows what next March will bring.